Bored


WARNING:
This blog post does not follow the general outline of which it must pertain to class. It is a genuine outburst of emotion. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this work is illegal. Any found doing so will be found and given justice. Viewer digression is advised.


Do you ever not know what you are doing with your life? Do you ever just sit on your unreasonably large bed considered luxurious for a married couple back in the 1920's, watching a youtube video of cats playing a piano? Are you ever annoyed that the instructions on your dinner require a whopping total of 6 minutes in the microwave? Ever find yourself up at 2 AM trying to figure out what crappy movie to watch next on Netflix?  Have you ever gotten a headache from staring an illuminated screen for too long? Have you ever gotten home at 3 PM, and only until about 9 PM started all the assigned homework in every single one of the six AP classes you decided to take Junior Year? Do you just wish you remembered what you did between 3 PM and 9 PM? Oh wait, didn't you spend 4 out of 6 hours scrolling through your twitter feed? Have you ever even stepped outside to enjoy the beautiful weather? Is life just monotonous and repetitive? Well look no further!/ Prepare to be amazed!/ Well worry no more!/ etc.

We here at BMS Inc. ,Being-A-Millennial-Sucks Incorporated, have something to say:

We do realize that with technology life is much more simple and efficient, however, it seems that our generation really have become bound to technology. Nowadays, when you walk through Somerset Mall, 8 out of 10 people are on a phone, laptop or bluetooth, rather than chatting with their friends, family or coworkers they are with. Nowadays, when you walk down your street on a school-day afternoon, the neighborhood is empty because all of the youth are congregating on multiplayer videogame platforms or internet message boards rather than playing 2 v 2 basketball or soccer. We as a nation have become too dependent technology. Every single household has at least one car. Every single household has a smartphone. Every single household has a microwave. We are becoming these parasitic slugs: slow-moving, obese, privileged, drunken and ignorant. We've stopped enjoying the simple things of life. Rarely do you see a Millennial walking or running to buy groceries from the general store a mile down the street. Rarely do you see a Millennial going to his girlfriend's house to ask her parents if he can take her on a date. Rarely do you see a Millennial taking an hour to cook a nice meal for himself. We've become too dependent on technology. We need our technology as much as we need food, water and sleep. And that's a really scary thought if you really think about it. The religion each one of us grew up with may have been different, but there is one general principle that every religion follows: The God(s) provide. God(s) said that we need four things: food, water, sleep and each other. The Law of Conservation of Energy states that everything in the universe exists in a closed state. Nothing can be produced by nothingness itself, rather it must be derived from another source. So by creating this new necessity, not only are we playing the hands of God(s), we've also taken away the importance of the other four necessities created by The God(s) himself, mainly the need of other. With that, technology really seems to be isolating us as individuals, making this absolute need of human contact blurred, if not obsolete. Sure technology does in fact allow us to converse over long distances, but the intimacy shared during those personal meetings doesn't exist. And this is just the beginning. As technology continues to evolves, our need for new technology will become greater, and like we stated before: nothing can be created from nothingness, it must be derived from another source. It's truly a terrifying when you think about it. I mean the Wachowski Brothers may be right about the future, minus the fact a hypothetical Neo's existence, or a Morpheus even. But as a Millennial: #IDGAF #ehwhatevs #alrightcool #whattodowithlyfe #toomanyhashtags

And that's why you need, the GOTinator! It effectively does one thing: Get you off your Technology!

 It can break your car!
(shows video clip of car exploding)
Woman #1: (gives thumbs up) Thanks GOTinator! Now I can walk to buy groceries!(Smiles)

It can lock your smartphone!
(shows video clip of smartphone exploding)
Teen Boy #1: (gives same thumbs up and same pose) Thanks GOTinator! Now I can learn how to actually ask for my girlfriend's parents' permission to take her on a date!(Smiles the same)

It can even turn off your microwave!
(shows video clip of microwave exploding)
Obese American Man #1: (gives same thumbs up and same pose)Thanks GOTinator! Now I can actually take time to cook a good healthy meal! (Smiles the same)

Get your very own GOTinator today!

IF you order within the next five minutes, we'll include a GOTinator-mini no extra charge!

Call800BMS0INCNOWOnly12paymentsof29.99theGOTinatormayinduceexercisehumancontacthealthbenefitsandincreaseofoverallhappinessBMSinc.isnotresponsibleforanyofthosepossiblesideeffectsbatteriesnotincluded

BUT WAIT!

IF you are one of the next ten callers, we'll cut the payments in half! Only 6 payments of 29.99!

800-BMS0INC  Call Today!
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